Good days, bad days
by Cindy Ryan
Summary: set between 1x2 and 1x3. Jane can't sleep. She doesn't want to give into the weakness of calling Kurt but some nights are worse than others
1. Chapter 1

Many thanks to all those who have reviewed my other fic Needed. Glad you guys liked that one. Here's one set earlier.

Title: Good days, bad days  
author: Cindy Ryan  
timeline: between 1x2 and 1x3

The woman known as Jane Doe found herself wide awake at two thirteen on a tuesday night. Check that Wednesday morning. She stared at the ceiling of her temporary bedroom in her temporary housing. The FBI was still working on securing a more permanent location. She knew she needed to sleep soon or she'd be useless to day. Useless was the last thing Jane needed. Helping the FBI was the only thing keeping her sane at the moment. It made her feel like she wasn't a victim at least for a little while.

For the fifth time that hour Jane glanced at the cell phone resting on the nightstand on the left side of her bed. It was plugged in and charging. She'd picked it up twice and almost dialed Kurt but had put it down each time. Each time had felt like a victory. Jane wasn't weak; she'd survived this long. It was just some nights Jane's thoughts got the better of her. Nights were when she had time to think. Too much time to think. When she tried to search for answers all she came up with were blank spots; unknowns.

In her sessions with Dr. Borden he had Jane begin to keep a notebook. A place to jot down things she remembered. So far she had a page full. One single page. It was a hodge podge of mostly likes and dislikes mainly clothes and food. It was that page that haunted her thoughts tonight. All Jane knew about herself was on one eight by ten piece of paper. Borden had insisted she was making progress. That it hadn't been that long since she woke up in Times Square. He said that for her to have all this in her notebook already was extraordinary.

Jane pounded the spare pillow with her right fist. She didn't feel extraordinary; far from it. Jane felt like that piece of paper before she had filled it. Too much of a blank space. Too much of an unknown. Kurt had reassured her time and time again that they would figure it out. That they would answer all her questions. Times like these moments at two thirteen a.m answering those questions seemed like too big of a hurdle. That was when sleep alluded her. That was when she reached for the cell phone. With a sigh Jane gave into that urge now and snatched the device from the nightstand unplugging it. She hit Kurt's speed dial and leaned back against the headboard as she listened to it ring.  
One, two, three...

"Weller."Kurt answered.

Jane almost hung up. She heard the grogginess and felt bad for waking him. Still Jane couldn't end the call. It was as if a part of her, the weak part she didn't want to admit to, needed to hear his voice.

* * *

Since he'd been back in New York Kurt had gotten used to sleeping with the cell phone near the spare pillow. The light would wake him faster than the vibrating feature. However this time when he'd seen Jane's name pop up on the caller ID he'd felt a knot in his gut. One that got worse when he saw what time it was. The knot tightened when she didn't speak right away.

"Jane, you alright?"Kurt asked as he sat up.

"Couldn't sleep."Jane replied quietly.

It was so soft a reply that Kurt almost didn't hear it. They'd spent enough time together now that Kurt was picking up on her moods and emotions. He was reading her loud and clear and she didn't need to say another word.

"I'm on my way."Kurt said as he stood and ended the call tossing the phone back on the bed.

He flipped on the light grabbing the nearest pair of clothes. Borden had warned him that Jane would have good days and bad. Kurt didn't need the shrink to tell him this might be on the bad side. She rarely called him. There wasn't much he could do with them facing so many unknowns. Kurt couldn't give her the answers she needed; not yet. As Kurt left his sister's apartment he hoped that whatever little he could do tonight would be enough


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry for the delay I've been trying to finish some older fanfic projects in other fandoms. :) Thanks as always for the alerts and reviews. Reminder this is set between episodes two and three.

Title: Good days, bad days  
author: Cindy Ryan

When Kurt arrived he checked in with the agents outside. They reported all was quiet. Kurt walked into the old apartment building and took the stairs to the third floor. Jane's was number five second door to the left of the stairs. Kurt reached the apartment and knocked on the door. After a moment Jane opened it. She looked like hell. Pale, dark circles starting to show under her eyes. Wordlessly Jane stepped away from the door and walked further into the dark living room. Kurt kicked the door shut behind him.

"Nightmare?"Kurt prompted as Jane sat on the sofa tucking her bare feet under her.

Jane shook her head. To Kurt since the first day he'd met her Jane was strong and fearless. In the early morning darkness she looked lost and vulnerable.

"Dr Borden says I'm making progress."Jane stated softly as she picked up a spiral noetbook from the coffee table and tossed it to Kurt."That doesn't feel like progress."

Not quite ready for the throw Kurt fumbled the notebook a bit but didn't drop it. He turned it right side up and then tilted it towards the window and began to read. There were two neat columns one labeled likes the other dislikes. Both were nearly full.

"Jane..."Kurt began

"I just want to be more than a blank page."Jane whispered.

Kurt's heart sank. He put the notebook down on the table. They'd all been trying so hard to solve the mystery. Ten to sixteen hour days. She'd been right there with them. Putting up such a brave front that they'd bought it.

"He's right."Weller agreed after a few minutes. "This is progress. With what they injected you with it was supposed to wipe your memory permanently."

"Why not just kill me?"Jane wondered. "I'd still get sent to you. They'd still accomplish whatever the twisted goal was with the FBI. Why keep me alive?"

Kurt set the notebook down and scooted closer to Jane. He took her hands in his.

"I don't think I've told you how incredibly brave you are."Kurt began softly.

Jane shook her head.

"You may think you're just surviving putting one foot in front of the other. But that's what being brave is too."Kurt continued. "Most people waking up with no memory would've snapped. It's hard enough not having an identity, a family, a past. But to wake up naked in Times Square in a bag that the bomb squad thought was an explosive device…..to have that thrown at you and not be in a straight jacket is amazing."

"Thank you."Jane whispered.

"For what?"Kurt asked letting himself reach out and lightly caress her right cheek.

"For coming over here, for listening,"Jane began meeting his gaze. "For everything."

"I know I'm repeating myself and to you it may sound like an empty promise."Kurt said softly. "But I promise I will find out who you are and who did this to you." 

* * *

Jane wanted to believe Kurt. However it seemed like such a long road. She wouldn't give up wouldn't give whoever did this the satisfaction of winning. Still a part of Jane could only think of how little she had discovered about herself so far.

"Jane."Kurt prompted.

"I'm okay."Jane whispered.

Despite everything Jane knew there was the beginning of a friendship forming with Kurt Weller. She knew that was real. He wouldn't have come over here at three a.m if he didn't care about her beyond a job responsibility. It was about the only real thing Jane had except for the progress she'd written in her notebook. Likes, dislikes and a friendship with Kurt Weller. Not much to build an identity on but it was a start.

"It's well past midnight but how about a midnight snack?"Kurt suggested breaking the silence as he stood.

"Good idea."Jane said with a smile as she rose to her feet.

"Maybe we can add to that list of yours."Kurt stated returning her smile. 

* * *

An hour later between the two of them Jane and Kurt had assembled a wide variety of snacks from what she had in the pantry and fridge. Cheese and crackers, ice cream, nachos, fruit plate, cookies and mini sub sandwiches. Kurt was building a stack of nachos and was on the fourth one when he put an olive on the top and reached for one more chip.

"There's no way you'll fit that in your mouth."Jane said with a grin as she took a spoonful of vanilla ice cream.

"Is that a challenge?"Kurt countered as he placed the chip on the stack.

Jane only shook her head in amusement and disbelief.

"Challenge accepted."Kurt said glad to see Jane smiling and laughing.

Kurt managed to get the whole nacho stack in his mouth with only spilling cheese and a small glop of sour cream on the counter. As he chewed and swallowed Kurt suspected that Jane was afraid he would choke. He took a long sip of water before moving onto the rest of the nachos.

"My sister and I used to have food wars. More like challenges."Kurt recalled with a grin. "Used to drive my mother nuts."

"I bet the kitchen was a mess."Jane guessed with a giggle.

"It was."Kurt admitted as he polished off another nacho. "We cleaned it up eventually."

"These wars...who won?"Jane asked.

"Sarah usually."Kurt replied as he reached for a mini sandwich.

"Bet you let her win."Jane stated with a smile.

"Maybe but I'll deny that."Kurt said as he took a sip of water. "This was fun."

"Yeah it was."Jane replied adding a squirt of whipped cream to what was left of her ice cream.

"Was really good to see you smile."Kurt added.

"Felt good."Jane commented. "Thank you for the...distraction."

"Anytime."Kurt said as he took a few plates to the sink. "Think you'll be able to sleep now?"

"Maybe."Jane stated as she began to put a few things back in the fridge. "You don't have to stay."

"I don't mind."Kurt found himself saying and it was the truth. "Have any movies?"

"Several...don't know what's good and what's not."Jane stated as they finished cleaning up.

"Something else we can add to the list."Kurt suggested. 

* * *

Fifteen minutes later Jane and Kurt were seated once again on the sofa. The lights were dimmed and an action comedy that had been popular the year before was playing on the dvd player. Jane tried to concentrate on the movie she really did. She was maybe a quarter of the way through before she felt her eyelids grow heavy. She tried to fight it wanting to see the rest and not really wanting this snack and movie night with Kurt to end. A few minutes later sleep finally won and Jane drifted off into a dreamless slumber. 

* * *

Kurt saw Jane fall asleep and he lowered the volume on the tv. He got up found a blanket and covered Jane with it before sitting back down. Stifling a yawn he glanced at his watch and knew he needed at least a few hours sleep if he were to function at work later. Still it had been worth it to see Jane relax and smile. Kurt had a feeling both of them would have stomach aches later from eating so late but that would be worth it too.

Kurt settled back into the sofa. He set the alarm on his phone and placed it on the coffee table. He left the movie on trying halfheartedly to finish it because he knew Jane would ask him later how it ended. Kurt made it half way before the day and interrupted sleep caught up to him. He folded his arms against the side of the sofa and used them as a pillow. Minutes later he too was asleep.

end


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